WOMEN’S GUIDE TO MALE ENGLISH

* I’m hungry = I’m hungry
* I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy
* I’m tired = I’m tired
* Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
* Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
* Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
* May I have this dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
* Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
* You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I’d like to have sex with you
* What’s wrong? = I don’t see why you are making such a big deal out of this
* What’s wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
* What’s wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
* I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
* I love you = Let’s have sex now
* I love you, too = Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now!
* Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
* Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn’t look that much different!
* Let’s talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me
* Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
* I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin’ dress and let’s go home!

MEN’S GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH

– We need to talk = I need to complain
– Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to
– I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
– We need = I want
– It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
– Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
– I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
– You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
– You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
– I’m not emotional! And I’m not overreacting! = I’ve got my period
– Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
– I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..
– I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
– Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
– I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
– Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
– How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to like
– I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
– Is my bum fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
– You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
– Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
– Yes = No
– No = No
– Maybe = No
– I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry
– This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
– Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it
– Was that the baby? = Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
– All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we’re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

Disclaimer: this post has been circulating for ages around the net. I don’t own them nor actually wrote it myself

I stumbled upon this page…and I have to say, it sounds logic

http://www.hitsgarden.com/17-reasons-why-having-sex-is-good-for-your-health/

I have to add that I take no responsibility whatsoever by doing so!